Living with undiagnosed ADHD

Living with undiagnosed ADHD begins with you questioning from a young
age why you feel so different. You feel quite magical as a child, but you also notice
that you feel things much more intensely than those around you.

You also pick up on exactly how other people feel, even when they don’t share it. As you are developing your ADHD mask to hide your expressive emotions, everyone else is totally a mask too. You can see every facial expression, every shift in body language, tone of voice and energy. You notice what others don’t.

After all, ADHD isn’t really having an attention deficit. Instead, it’s paying attention to too much and too much detail all of the time. You become hyper aware as a result, and can often feel responsible for how others feel simply because you seem to be the only one that notices. This is when people pleasing begins.

You are full of energy, but sometimes it’s considered too much so you tone that down. You love to learn, but struggle to learn in the way that the grownups want you to. As you grow older and try out new things that you inevitably become quickly bored of, you begin to develop the insecurity of being that person that gives up, and the limiting belief of I am a failure sets in place.

You aren’t sure of what path to take as each new chapter of life unfolds, there are so many options and they simultaneously feel like an abundance of exciting opportunities and a bunch of pointless endeavors that you won’t reach the end of.

To give the your brain the guaranteed dopamine reward that your educational and career choices cant always provide, you begin to turn to unhealthy habits such as smoking, drinking, phone scrolling, excessive gaming, binge eating, out of control shopping and so on.
You perhaps seek stimulating situations that give you spiky shots of cortisol like
unhealthy relationships, scary movies, gossip, arguments, and even lawbreaking.

As life becomes a long list of to dos, more must dos and absolutely have to dos to
survive, you once again feel like the child in the classroom, knowing that you can do
it, but you aren’t sure exactly how.

Stress, anxiety, and a general sense of overwhelm become a cemented part of your daily life, and you are never fully rested or emotionally regulated. This results in you often questioning your own sanity and reaching out for help, but being told that you have anxiety, depression, stress and the likes of them.
you see or hear a list of symptoms and finally ask the big question: Do I have ADHD?

(Claire Michalsky)